Yup, you’ll look at these pics and think it’s hilarious because of my glasses (I was often called four eyes as a kid), my chubby cheeks that I sported, my crooked/stained teeth and GOD knows for how many other reasons. Now I can look back and see those moments of my life as “had to live” stepping stones to get me where I am today, but let me tell you that the road I traveled was not the most enjoyable one. This is not a victim post nor do I want anyone to feel sorry for me, but I share it because I know there’s a young crowd following me and one person or another may see this post as a light to all that they may be going through. I pray for you! Let me tell you: LIFE gets better. Sometimes you kind of need to go through hell to value the golden days.
I came to the U.S. when I was four years old, and although I looked “white” or part of the majority back then, my strong Mexican accent threw people off guard and even so when they heard my name being called during roll call by teachers. I recall being in middle school and getting bullied for being Mexican, but then again bullied by peers of my own race for looking “too white”. Goes to show how messed up our society is. I would argue that I was a victim of racism, clearly. And what is a kid supposed to do at that age? Get confused I would imagine.
I started wearing glasses at a very young age and I was called names for that, something you all probably have gone through if your vision was not 20/20. To top it off I was a geek, I was not the smartest geek, but I was a library kid and was made fun of for that. It was in middle school where I put on some extra pounds. And go figure I was bullied for that too. In middle school I was transferred to a new school because my family had moved to another city and that’s exactly when the lower photo was taken. I was a pretty miserable kid (you can tell by the pic) growing up because I didn’t have many close friends, honestly I always felt like I didn’t fit in with others.
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4th Grade, 8th Grade and 28 years old!

High school came around and while I was so involved with my education and furthering myself I still didn’t manage to get out of my comfort zone many times and was caught up in a world of constant bullying, name-calling and made fun of. Yes, I have always been an introvert, I think. I really never spoke up or told family and friends about that stage of my life, but it was for the reasons mentioned above and added to that the fact that I didn’t play sports, was an immigrant, came from a low-income family and my opportunities to succeed in life were very slim that I was intimidated by others.
It was the end of junior year and throughout senior where I was bullied the most and I would have to admit that those were the most miserable days of my life. Sometimes I dreaded going to high school because I knew how unhappy I was there. Not exactly sure what caused people to call me senseless things, make assumptions and simply make my life pretty depressing. (Though some friends did make high school worthwhile and fun!) I wish I knew back then that only I had control of my emotions and that others opinions wouldn’t define me. I wish I knew back then what I know now and I wish I could tell that young kid that I’d be in a better place in the future and that things would work out for the best.
College arrived before I knew it and I feel like my life turned 360 degrees for the BEST. I met some of the most amazing human beings I have ever encountered and which I still keep in touch with and I made some exciting memories.
Not being the most fit person, wearing glasses, not being social, not playing sports, being a geek, poor, a 4.0 student, senseless and hurtful comments that have absolutely no value in bringing up all contributed to how miserable I felt and the lack of self-esteem I had growing up.
As an adult I was involved in romantic relationships where I felt I was not appreciated or loved for the person that I am. I let them make me feel small. Worst decision ever! And of course that contributed to the negative spiral I saw myself in. But, it was 2 years ago that I committed to re-building myself into a stronger man (spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally) even more than before and decided to live a healthy lifestyle. It wasn’t until a year ago that I took things to a whole different level and I blocked the miserable, challenging and rough past I had because of others. Yes, I was a victim of verbal bullying. I am not saying I went through anything catastrophic, but often times words can hurt a lot because they stick with you forever until you are ready to fully let go. And I have!!! I didn’t only forget, but I forgave those that made it miserable and wish them well. God wants us to do that.
Now I feel like my life is not where I would wish for it to be, but I know I am on the right track and I feel extremely happy in my own physique. Something I never imagined I would achieve!
Why did I write this post? I want other kids (especially boys soon to be men) to know that their social status, appearance, having friends or not, being a geek or whatever other reason has nothing to do with who you truly are as an individual and that there’s a lot of value you can provide to our messed up world. Unfortunately, there’s so much hate and insecurity in others that they want to impose some of that in positive people’s lives.
I want to remind you to love yourself, gain self-confidence one day at a time and you are a powerful being able to accomplish all things. Keep going “HACIA ADELANTE” and I hope that no day goes by when you have felt lonely in this world because you are not! Please speak up and reach out to others. That’s the biggest mistake I made, but God always protected me.
Embrace your identity and being different. That’s great that you are because we need more people that are authentic individuals like you. Keep that chin up high.
I never imagined the big difference and impact that carrying a healthier lifestyle would have in my life and how important fitness would be for me today. Honestly I feel as if I was given another chance to fully live and completely let go of the negativity. Working out has saved my life and it’s become a healthy addiction!

Comments

  • Jimmy

    Thank you so much for posting this I am personally going through things no kid should go through and this really inspires me to continue with my passion of a music career.My mom showed me this post and my mom knows Carmen and my mom gave me permission to comment.Thank you,you are very inspirational and I wish the best for you.

  • Hello Jimmy! Thanks so much for sharing you story with me! I am happy that you found it to be a great read and that I have motivated you to continue your music career. Please do.. We need creative people like you in our world! I wish you the best and you will be a great musician one day! I know you will. Ignore all the negativity around you and work on your dreams! Never give up because you have an entire bright life ahead of your game!!! God Bless! Question? May I share your comment on my social media? I will keep it anonymous?

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