So you called it quits with who you believed was your happily ever after, but turns out it wasn’t. I am happy for you because your GOOD life has just commenced. That ex-significant other maybe did not make it to 2016 by your side and you left them stuck in 2015, but you’ve been having a difficult time coping.

STRESS no more because I’ve been in your shoes and I want to share some tips that got me out of the hole.

First off: CONGRATULATIONS! Yes, I type that in capital letters because I am very proud of you for taking that step as a matter of fact I would give you a trophy for making that move because so many people stick it through thinking things will get better.

But, if you read my last LOVE post you may have realized that before things get better in a toxic relationship they will only get worse. That post received so much attention and positive feedback that this is the 2nd part to that because I had people asking, but what do you after you end a relationship?

To everyone that was asking for this, sorry that it took me this long to do a follow-up post. Yeah life got in the way and I apologize.

Alright in all seriousness whether the relationship was long or short term, the end of a relationship can be heart breaking for one or both parties. Someone who was once close to you is in the past, and that at times can feel like a death. While at the beginning it may feel like you’ll never get over it, but I can assure you that you will with time, patience and a lot of re-focusing of your energy.

So that person is no longer by your side. Guess what? Life just got 10 times better. Lol

On a large scale if when you put the negative items next to the positive ones and they outweighed each other by a lot then have peace of mind that you did the right thing. I did that in the past and holy cow did the negatives really scare me.

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My following tips will not make you feel spectacular in 5 minutes, but they’ll make it easier for you to let go and cope:

1.You were an individual before meeting that person so therefore you will slowly, carefully and with a lot of time go back to your old ways. It won’t be easy, but apply the old saying here: “one day a time”. It’s not uncommon to lose yourself in a relationship, where you can become a “we” instead of a “me” or “I”. This is a perfect time to analyze who you were before, who you were with your ex, and who you want to be in the future. Right now it’s all about you!

2.Find your interests and passions, and go in full force on them. Thanks to your ex some of your hobbies may have fallen to the wayside for example hiking, swimming, cooking, playing a sport or fishing. Use this time to rediscover your passion and become in tune with the person you once were.

3.Focus your energy on things and responsibilities that will make you grow as a person. Take on responsibilities that you never imagined doing while you were with your ex. Believe it or not sometimes the person you are with ties you down or constraints you if you are not compatible. So for example focus your energy on some big responsibilities such as buying a home or a new car, investing, volunteering at a non-profit periodically and even becoming a board member.

4.Surround yourself around people always! I cannot stress this enough because after a relationship we are very heartbroken, yes us men too, remember that we’re human also and a lot of depressive thoughts can roam our head. One sad thought leads to another and before you know you just feel like giving up on life. Please don’t because life gets better- I promise. Surrounding yourself with loving people is one of the best things you can do during a breakup. They will restore your self-esteem and remind you how to have fun.

5.Get closer to your beliefs and become more spiritual. I’m not saying go to church every Sunday, but invest time in your faith and in whatever fills your spirits. If you are not religious this is fine, I am sure there’s something out there where you place all your faith in. There you will always find an answer to your questions. 

6.And if you still haven’t cut all ties with that person – DO IT. I mean all. Don’t talk to their family, close friends and most importantly him or her. Go the whole nine yards in putting them in your past. Delete photos of each other on social media, files on computer, hard copy pictures and gifts they gave you. Most importantly delete them from your social media. When you do this it’s not an act of immaturity it simply means you are in a stage of cleanse and indifference. Also delete the letters, the text messages and anything that will remind you of that person. I’m a strong believer that when it’s over- there’s no turning back to an old and misused chapter.

7.Take a vacation somewhere or plan a getaway that you’ll enjoy. This would be perfect to do with friends so that you can re-connect and have fun together. Being single again means you can have quality time with your friends. Don’t spend that time bad-mouthing your ex, or even talking about them.

8.Plan time to be alone in a safe environment where you can ask yourself deep and thought provoking questions about your life and where you want to take it next. Bottling your emotions up simply isn’t healthy. I know it isn’t fun, but you need to have your mourning period.

9.Eat well, exercise and be active. All three things will give you a new kind of energy needed to get you through those rough days when you start thinking about the past.

10.Lastly and most importantly don’t blame anyone for the failed relationship. Yes, we live in a world where we have the urge to blame others to feel better about ourselves or others, but that doesn’t help. Forgive yourself and forgive others.

Be thankful and I know it may seem impossible after what you have gone through, but aside from it all there’s so much in your life to be appreciative for and in the middle of all this gloom you’ll feel better if you come from a grateful place.

Life goes on and always recognize your self-worth. This failed relationship shouldn’t define you and now the possibilities for a better and promising life are endless.

P.s. Don’t forget to give yourself ample time to love again. No need to rush.

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