I have lived a quarter of a century and that is not enough to experience everything that I would want to live over my life span, but one thing I know for sure is that I know when negative and toxic people are in my proximity. And I will try at all cost to avoid them because there’s a certain kind of energy they carry that will jump over to you real quick. Believe me, it’s true—I’ve lived it!

I am writing based on what I have seen, continue to live in my surroundings and what I see in other relationships. I believe my comments do have some value because they are based on experience. I am no relationships expert, or a love coach, nor do I have a psychology background, but I do believe that our very own life experiences teach us a lot of knowledge.  You live and learn.

In this case I am writing to you fellow reader to make it easier on you when figuring out if the romantic relationship you are in is safe or if you’ve got to call it quits now. Why? Simply remember that life is too short to get stuck with people who make your life miserable and toxic as hell.

When it comes to relationships I won’t say that I have always been the best person or Mr. Right. I am human I am full of imperfections, but whatever I’ve done I have always let honesty and my values lead the way. Yes, my heart has been broken and other times I have broken hearts, but never intentionally. I’ve taken everything as learning experiences that have made me who I am today.

And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with distancing yourself from those who don’t provide any happiness to your circle. Get them out and move on. There’s a saying that fits perfectly here: Don’t let anyone rent a space in your head and heart, unless they are a good tenant.

Yes we sometimes live such a fast paced lifestyle that we may forget what’s best for us and it’s not always easy to remember who you are and what you want, which in the end adds to the length of time that you allow unnecessary people to live in your head and heart.

One of the most miserable parts of being in a relationship is starting to lose yourself and forget to make your happiness a priority. Once you lose your individuality you are doomed to be unsatisfied forever.

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

At times we put up with so much sh*t because we tell ourselves that things will get better next week, next month, next year, when I propose, when we move-in together, when we get married, when we have children and the list goes on… But, guess what? It only gets worse and it’s sad to see that some people do think that way. Good luck to them.

Other times we think about the bigger picture and we can’t imagine our lives without that person that sometimes makes us happy and we don’t know how to make that big step and call it quits. If there’s only one thing you take away from this post, I want it to be the following:

You are not a looser for giving up, you are a fighter for seeing what is clear and moving on because there’s nothing wrong with admitting that a relationship has run its course. When that happens there’s no one to blame — you are simply NO longer compatible. That really needs to sink-in because we live in a society where pointing fingers is the norm and it doesn’t always need to be that way. You will be admired and celebrated more for speaking up and calling off the toxic as hell relationship than for sticking around and dwindling on what’s obviously dead. BAM!

There will be another post that I write about where I dig deeper into why people decide to stick around in a relationship, but for now I will give you some signs that will help you figure out if you’re in a toxic relationship and I hope you can get out of it real quick.

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Jealousy game

We’re all human, so jealousy will happen at some point. But, excessive and hurtful jealousy is never okay. If you don’t have trust in yourself how can you expect to believe in a relationship? The jealousy game can’t happen DAILY because the other person will end up hating the relationship or even you. Sorry, I used hate it’s such a strong work so I will add — dislike you! And as a matter of fact jealousy is healthy, but if it is well managed and kept at a minimal. Furthermore, don’t ever get jealous if your significant other has a crush on a famous celebrity because 99.9% chances are they’ll never meet.

Negative energy

Feeling awkward and tense around someone is your body reacting to the negative energy surrounding the two of you. There’s honestly nothing more uncomfortable that being alone and having absolutely nothing to talk about or not even knowing how to start a conversation. Negativity can drain you mentally, physically and emotionally. The negativity often leads to stress and then other worse things that are not worth mentioning here.

You’re not yourself

Change will happen regardless and that’s brutally true. Your lifestyle will change therefore the way you communicate with others will too, but the essence of who you are shouldn’t. You should never feel like you cannot be yourself next to someone. When you’re in a relationship you both may change, but at least you should be going in the same direction and not against each other. A relationship should only change you to make you a better version of yourself. If you feel you’re losing yourself along the way that’s a huge red flag.

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

Nothing is Right 

As much as you try and everything you do upsets or annoys the other person and you feel as if you are walking on eggshells all the time. Now that is very unhealthy and unnecessary because you are always second-guessing yourself and you don’t even know how or who to be. YIKES!

Pick your battles

You really need to learn, which battles are worth fighting for and what others are best left alone just as long as they don’t escalate to something worse. I have seen this in the past where one person is very immature and will not let some things go and will constantly bring up things that harm. Please, don’t act like a 5 year old brat.

Showing appreciation and love

Ladies, often times you want to feel appreciated and loved through materialistic things and that shouldn’t be a part of the equation. Materialism is overrated. There are countless other ways that your man should show appreciation and love to you. Don’t ask for gifts or say the famous phrase; “you don’t buy me things like you used to in the beginning.” PLEASE!

Personal Time

Everyone needs their alone and personal time to re-fuel and it is no different when you are in a relationship. If your significant other tells you that they need that personal space give it to them without taking it personal or feeling offended. Don’t be clingy! You don’t need to be with each other 24/7. GET IT!

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

Social Media

Unless your significant other gives you a valid reason to question their activity on social media then you shouldn’t be spying, controlling or stalking them every second that they are not with you. You know what you can offer them so there should not be a reason why they should be looking elsewhere. Don’t panic and overreact!

Along with social media your significant other has no need to send you material that they’ll be uploading to their social media for your approval before its uploaded. You are not the manager. If you are with your significant other you should know what they are capable of uploading, but shouldn’t expect to receive items for approval. NO. NO. NO.

Talking on the phone

Nowadays there’s so many ways we communicate and I strongly believe that men really don’t like to be on the phone so don’t make it mandatory for him to be checking-in every night before going to bed. A sweet and sexy text message will suffice at times. Don’t get me wrong jumping on a call every once in a while is great or even that face to face interaction, but that daily check-in is NOT a must.

Don’t tie anyone down – don’t be controlling

No one should ever feel as if they are tied down. If for some reason you cannot go somewhere with your significant other (e.g. a lot of times lack of parental consent, something else comes up or plans don’t go according to plan please don’t expect the other person to cancel if they really wanted to go somewhere.) Being independent while in the relationship should be important to not feel as if your life is controlled. It will happen, but don’t over do it. That feeling is miserable.

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

Work vs. Couple Time

It’s great to respect both times and that each of them has its value and time frame. Personal time cannot be combined with work and vice versa so it would be idiotic for anyone to take things personal when you are not invited to a work event when your significant other’s colleagues are not taking their romantic partners and spouses.

Social Circle

Nowadays everyone knows so many people whether that be through mutual friends, acquaintances or simply by attending so many different events that you cannot expect that you will learn about your significant other’s entire social network. That cannot happen. Yes, you’ll learn about their family and immediate friends, but don’t expect to sit down and have your significant other write down every single person they know and how they’ve met and the last time they chatted. That’s keeping someone on check and no one likes that.

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Time in Bed

As the relationship progresses this area is only supposed to get better in quality and quantity too if you both want it. Lol But never worse. Just how you can provide intellectual conversations and insightful talk to your partner physical connection is important in a relationship as well. Once the activity in bed minimizes or becomes boring that is another sign for you.

Comparison

The moment you start comparing your significant other to other people is another big red flag that things are not going great. This means the other person is no longer happy with the person that you are, they want to change you and would want you to pick up on characteristics they see in other people. NO! When someone truly loves you for who you are this comparison game is never brought up.

Avoiding each other

This usually happens in the end of the relationship and right before one of the individuals calls it quits. Often times your significant others presence may give you an ill stomach or everything feels like such a drag when you are around them.

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

Credit: The Huffington Post and AskMen

And just in case all of the above signs are not enough grounds for you to end a relationship I hope that being cheated on is because not only has the person disrespected you, but you would be degrading yourself for accepting that behavior. Plus, once infidelity exists in a relationships you’ve lost it all. Trust cannot be re-built and more than likely it will continue happening.

Although clearly the signs I presented are based off of romantic relationships believe me that some of these can be applied to any other type of relationship you hold with others because there’s toxic people everywhere and you must also learn how to stay away from them.

I truly hope I was able to enlighten you and have you make better life choices if you are going through a very similar situation in your romantic relationship.

If any of the signs speak to you then evaluate your relationship and if you must let go. DO IT! You only live once.

There are hundreds of other signs that I know I am missing about noticing when a relationship has run its course, but I’d like to hear them from you.

What are they?

People should not cramp your style and instead the two should always feel that you’re growing into better versions of yourself. Be with someone that is uplifting you – not minimizing you.

When in a relationship always ask yourself, am I happy? Respond faithfully and you’ll have your answer!

Remember that there’s people everywhere and the best part about life is that you get to choose who gets to play in your world.

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